Borderline Personality Disorder · Neurodivergence · Neurodivergence and Wellbeing · Relationships · Trauma

Borderline Personality Disorder: What Does It Mean To Be A Quiet Borderline?

“Having quiet BPD means that you direct any mood swings and behaviors inward, rather than directing them toward others. In other words, you “act in,” rather than “act out.”” – Healthline It took me fourteen years to receive the diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder; as I did not exhibit any of the “acting out” or… Continue reading Borderline Personality Disorder: What Does It Mean To Be A Quiet Borderline?

Neurodivergence and Wellbeing · Neurodivergence · Body Dysmorphic Disorder · Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder · Personal

PMDD and…Body Dysmorphia?

T-7 Days until period. Well, it is that part of the month again — where my physical shape starts altering as it readies itself for my period. I take on water weight in my face and my gut. I feel bigger in my arms and my legs. Everything appears to expand. Whether this is the… Continue reading PMDD and…Body Dysmorphia?

Borderline Personality Disorder · Personal · Relationships

Abandonment, Splitting, and the Borderline!

Do you ever get that feeling that everybody has got somewhere to go but you? Do you ever get that feeling in your gut when your friend goes out with someone, and you are left in the lurch?Do you ever get that feeling in your throat when other people’s spheres no longer include you? Now,… Continue reading Abandonment, Splitting, and the Borderline!

Borderline Personality Disorder · Neurodivergence · Neurodivergence and Wellbeing · Personal · Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder · Relationships

PMDD: Hypersexuality and the Borderline (Day 6)

T-8/9 days until period. And I am on the UP again. Interesting how one can be so monumentally low and then in the next succession of moments, have access to their reasoning faculties again. The short story is: I upset a real close friend by correcting him on some details concerning the English Reformation. I… Continue reading PMDD: Hypersexuality and the Borderline (Day 6)

Bipolar Disorder · Borderline Personality Disorder · Neurodivergence · Neurodivergence and Wellbeing · Personal · Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder · Relationships

PMDD: Day 4/5

T-10/11 days until period. TW: Suicidal Ideation; Self-Harm Who has a desire to commit suicide? I believe that may be me. I am ashamed to admit it. Am I losing the fight? A little. My self-image is fracturing all over the place; the paranoia is evident; the insomnia is real; I feel incredibly low; and… Continue reading PMDD: Day 4/5

Bipolar Disorder · Borderline Personality Disorder · Neurodivergence · Personal

Update: 27.11.21

I feel so behind in life. That’s it. In terms of personal milestones, I feel like I am lagging behind. Got my IB diploma. Got my Bachelors. Got my Masters. Got ill. Had to enter long-term treatment for said illness. Haven’t been a part of a consistent working environment since 2017. At present, I do… Continue reading Update: 27.11.21

Borderline Personality Disorder · Neurodivergence · Neurodivergence and Wellbeing · Personal

Borderline Feelings.

“They hate me.”“Nobody actually likes me.”“I am about to be abandoned.”“I do not matter.” How does one combat such intense feelings of loneliness. It is exhausting. I simply breathe in and out and I mutter to myself, “Borderline thoughts, fuck off.” Sometimes I play a game of Solitaire. Or I blast a super emotional song… Continue reading Borderline Feelings.

Bipolar Disorder · Neurodivergence · Personal · Relationships · Trauma

I want to tell a story…

TW: SEXUAL ASSAULT/GROOMING With regard to the recent short-film released by Taylor Swift, there have been a wave of stories concerning age-gap power dynamics that people – particularly women, though there have been men and non-binary folk too – have been sharing. Here is mine: When I was nineteen, I dated a twenty-seven year old… Continue reading I want to tell a story…

Anorexia Nervosa · Body Dysmorphic Disorder · Neurodivergence · Neurodivergence and Wellbeing · Personal

“Counting Calories”: A Poem (2021)

Breaking free —or counting calories? It’s quite the dichotomy. Between feeling proudof this body I inhabitand wanting to tear it apart — shaking from feet to heartas I do not intakeover one-thousand a day; my body on displayin my mind — shaping it to bebigger than its design. I try my best to testthe habit,… Continue reading “Counting Calories”: A Poem (2021)

Personal · Poetry · Relationships

“Ars Amatoria”: A Poem (2021)

Has there ever been such a love?So comfortable from its very start? At night I point and focus on the North Star like a struck dart scouting its way home — to a person,an art, a throne. He releases me fromthe bonds of traumas past — I do not feel the needto address them, they… Continue reading “Ars Amatoria”: A Poem (2021)